Our Non-human Companions

Well, maybe harmony... The wife never had dogs and clearly doesn't understand them and never has. I go for their respect and get whatever "love" they're capable of as a side effect. They aren't capable of actual love as we know it. The wife wants to go for their love and never gets their respect. It's not a family to the dogs, it's a pack, there is an alpha male and an alpha female. That's the pack, period. My pack has an alpha male, that would be me, and an alpha female, in my wifes eyes that would be her, but in the female pups eyes that position is open for her to fill, she doesn't get the species thing. I told my wife what to do but she knows far more than I do and she has all sorts of problems with the pup. She's always had problems over the years (my wife) and has never been able to be trained over the years. Weeks ago I suggested to her how to assert her dominance, but of course, having and training really potentially aggressive dogs all my life (rotties and a cane corso) I don't know excrement. She told me she wasn't going to do it and she's now at her wits end going one to one with a pup that is faster, younger, and far more willful and attentive. The pup tried to pull her excrement with me tonight and I put her between my legs on her back, belly up, and kept her there doing what I wanted, giving her a belly rub for far longer than she wanted. The end result? At the end I called her over to spend 20 minutes in the hard kennel for a nap before dinner. She walked right in. After dinner she walked right into the kennel before going out for the final outside visit before sacking out for the night. Maybe the wife will catch on, but she hasn't for 40+ years. What are the chances?

She did state that the pup is well behaved when she's around me, and yes, they both are, what a surprise. I planted seeds again. We'll see if they took hold in the wife, I know they did in the pup. But she can be extremely stubborn (guess who). It's going to be a good dog and they aren't easy to find. Catch my drift? If the wife doesn't catch on she'll be #3 in the pack order yet again as she has been for 4 decades despite my telling her and as she was before our previous female got old and was put down. And she has a degree in psychology. Not the dog, my wife. That's what a degree is worth. My wife always told me that I knew more psychology than she did and I have no degree. I have common sense and can observe. Common sense has been missing from the world for a long time.

Whatever. The pup and she will reach some sort of equilibrium. I hope that the wife will do as I suggest but she's stubborn. If she won't listen the pup will win. This has played out before and for 14 years (last time) I told her that the dog knew she was alpha female and the wife was #3 in the pack, didn't matter what I thought or where I placed the wife. We'll see where this goes. I can't intervene. I can only suggest and if the training is rejected by the wife there's nothing I can do. It'll be a good dog and good dogs are hard to find.

Your frustration is coming through loud, clear, and understandable, and FWIW I am sorry Brian.  You may have heard the saying that a prophet is not without honor, except in his own country and his own house.  That saying shows that that you are not alone, but it also suggests a possible solution to your problems:  Hire a trainer.  Maybe a woman trainer might be best, but any good trainer will do.  You will need your wife's buy-in to "train the dog", but as you seem to know, good trainers train the owners too.

I float that idea knowing that you may have tried it already and that other considerations might be show stoppers.  I expect you view hiring a trainer as something you shouldn't have to do, but it may be what you do have to do to fix the situation.  In any case, please forgive me if it is a totally off-base idea.

Good post Brian ShadowsDad   understanding and working within a dog’s capabilities and it’s behavioural parameters is critical. Dogs are social animals and their social grouping is the pack. Always has been and always will be.  We had two standard poodles and one of the breeds characteristics is a very strong desire to be the alpha. I know, poodles. Who knew?  Actually we did and we worked from the beginning to establish the pack hierarchy and not just for my wife and I but for our two kids as well. It’s  basically a series of dominance behaviours done by the dominant human in this case towards the (intended) subordinate member of the pack. It’s much easier to do when the dogs are small but not impossible once they’re grown. It will be harder in the latter case because instead of learning it’s place in the pack from the outset, the grown dog will view attempts at subordinating it as a challenge to the existing hierarchy and it will resist more than it would have as a pup. Dogs aren’t people and can’t think like people but we can think like a dog and use that knowledge to ensure we have a well behaved dog that knows it’s place in the pack. 

One if the reasons that small dogs are often behavioural problems is that the owners never bothered to establish dominance so the dog does it’s dominance displays and asserts itself as alpha and the owners think it’s cute. Until it isn’t. 

A pack where all the members know their place is a happy pack.

I have considered a trainer, but the pup is still too young for that.

I discussed it again last night with the wife and reminded her of what a trainer taught her with a particularly troublesome Rottie pup we had. I did take her and the pup to a trainer where the trainer explained to her the way the dog world worked and suggested some things she could do to "tell" the pup that he wasn't #2 in the pack. She "sat on" the pup with his butt against something so that he couldn't wriggle out backwards. Legs on each side of the pup, no weight on the pup at all, just confine him like that for a few minutes.

Last night I did something similar and put this pup between my legs, belly up for a belly rub. She did try to get away after a minute, but I held her there doing the belly rub until she stopped wriggling and just accepted it. It was an instant attitude changer. I think the wife saw that, maybe it sank in? IDK.

Years ago the local humane society had group training sessions, but I tried to contact them about it and heard nothing back. If it continues I'll look for one. I'm sure the trainer we had years ago is probably retired by now. FWIW, when we did go to the group sessions the wife would never take the leash even though I kept pushing her to take it.

Yeah, I did a 'net search. It appears that "our" trainer is no longer in business. But there are others close by. The closest one, if I understood the website, wanted to train the dog w/o the owners being there. That's useless. Then they stated that the owners also needed to be trained. I haven't called them yet to confirm anything. I'm watching this play out and I discussed it with the wife again today. I have no idea if anything is sinking in. It's coming from me for free (what do I know?) and not anyone we're paying.

Before I call a new trainer I'll place a call to our trainer. I agree with his techniques.

I'll post a pic when I can take one but right now she's sleeping. She pulls and jumps and I don't like either of those behaviors. A dog that pulls on a collar can injure themselves and they choke and can't figure out that it's their behavior causing it. So I bought her a "no pull" harness, the leash connection is under her chest so that when she pulls it pulls her down and turns her around. Understand that she weighs 20ish pounds but is a big dog trapped in a small dogs body and acts like it, the point is that she's tiny and always will be. So naturally I got her a "tactical harness" (think military styling) with molle loops for tactical gear. Of course it's in a military color. I think she's hysterically funny in it but the wife wanted purple camo. No, that would have ruined the humorous effect. When she can control her bladder better (she gets too excited) I'll take het to the local gun shop so everyone can get a laugh at the tactical puppy. Or maybe I'll put a diaper on her. :-)

Right now I have the incongruous "best friend" side panels on the tactical harness. :-)

FWIW, I always liked a female in uniform. :-)

I know, I need to think up more (better?) jokes. But I swear it's true.
Here's the harness, same color but with "Best friend" velcro signs on the sides. You'll need to use your imagination until I can get pix. IMO it's too funny but tell her she isn't a serious dog. Move fast and she wants to give a speeding ticket, or acts like it with aggression. She's too funny. So of course I move fast as much as possible. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07XKR...UTF8&psc=1

I've been thinking about the visit to the local gun shop... maybe an empty canteen in the molle loops or a mag' pouch with empty mag? To be my ammo bearer. Any suggestions?

The harness also came with a lash down system. I was thinking her "stuffed heart beat dolly puppy" lashed on top. We're going for laughs here'

FWIW, she has a serious set of jaw muscles on her and even her present puppy teeth can inflict damage. The breeds job in the bull baiting ring was to grab hold and hang on. Yeah, I can see her doing that. For a female she has a huge set of spheroids.

We lost our 14 1/2 year old Standard Poodle Charlie two summers ago and the house has been Pretty quiet. Well, no more!!  Meet Archie an 11 week old sable Standard Poodle! 

Good for you Marko! May he keep your home interesting for a great many years to come!

Congratulations on the new family member Marko

Thanks ShadowsDad  and Dave in KY  he’s going to be a great dog. He’s reasonably calm although when it’s go time…