Member
Idaho Falls, Idaho
(This post was last modified: 06-05-2017, 04:28 AM by Lipripper660.)
I don't know where to post this but maybe "general" is best? Anyway, the other day I was at my sons house for a visit and my wife was sharing to all within earshot that I was derelict in my nose hair trimming regimen. My strapping son said " wax them dad". What? That's a thing? Sure enough in a jiffy he had what looked like a mini crockpot smoldering full of wax the color of creamed honey. He said " all you have to do is get some wax on this popcicle stick and cram it in your nostril. Hey, I thought, who wouldn't want to stuff molten lava up those nose holes? So anyway, after my wife made it clear that without a nose waxing she would be leaving me in favor of Tom Selleck (got news for her. I'd leave for Tom too.) I dutifully inserted the resinous plug into my unruly booger vault, then Stood there stiff backed and scared like a hayseed private before a hardened drill Sargent awaiting my orders. "Just wait awhile and let it harden" he said, "once that's done pull the stick out." Wait, what? Did he just say for me to pull the stick out? A story my father-in-law had told me of the time as an adolescent he had chaffed the crack of his bottom and had turned to a double handful of talcum powder for relief only to discover what he though was talcum was actually granny's Poligrip powder. He had very effectively eliminated the risk of further chaffing by gluing his butt cheeks together. He then shared how horrifying it is to lay moon-to-the-sky across mothers lap as she used a butter knife and her tears of laughter to pry loose his gluteus Maximi.......So here I am looking like a deranged Good Humor Ice Cream man with my salmon colored lacrosse polo and a popsicle stick stuffed in my nose trying to muster the nerve to "pull it out". Well I grew up an Idaho cowboy and the cowboy code Is you saddle a Bronc, you best be ready to ride, and since I had no small experience jerking the odd lip-tickler hair that escaped the shearing, I knew that "quick" would me a better plan than would plodding or methodical. I grabbed the stick with kungfu grip and yanked! Honest to goodness I heard through the sound of popping hair my bride of 30 years giggling with sadistic glee! Before I even had my feet back under me she wanted to see the stick so I handed it to her. "Ew, gross" she squeeled. (I had heard that before on numerous occasions of different subject matter.) And the stick was shoved unceremoniously back into my paw. I looked down at it through my still heavily watering eyes and it looked for all intents and purposes that if I stuck a fishhook in the wax I would have a very unique snd serviceable salmon fly. Whoooowee was my shnozzle on fire! I was afraid to look in the mirror and discover the gruesome mask I had just saddled myself with for eternity. But wait! Just like most stinger injuries, the hurt subsided and I started to feel better. Wow, glad that was over! But wait! I was only half way through and had yet another blow hole to tame. Well ladies and gents, I'm here to tell you that it is not easier to do the second stick! I did er though and when I was driving home my wife spent a couple of hours admiring my plucked proboscus. She said it looked nice. "Nice enough to squint your eyes and make believe I'm Tom Seleck" I asked? Nope, not that nice. At any rate after the carnage I realized that it seemed my nostrils had grown a size or two and my lungs didn't have to pull so hard to get a gulp of air. Additionally the skin has stayed smooth for a long time. Fortunately I've found that the boogers don't just fall out onto my shirt as I had feared and my trimmers go unused. Seems weird but I'm looking to get a small crockpot waxer unit of my own and wondered if any of you weirdos out there have done this nose waxing thing?
It doesn't sound pleasant, but I'm thinking about trying it. The older I get, the more annoying my nose hair becomes it seems. Don't get me started on the ear hair either...
