Soften beard hair

After years of struggling to get good shaves I think IV finally realised it's due to my very coarse hair, IV spent so much time working on my technique witch I know is important but my technique is good now and I still get very bad shaves. So I need to find a way to soften my hair, does anyone know of any products or anything that would work, IV tried pre shave oils and hot towel but they don't really work for me, I find the hot towel just drys up my face, would appreciate your advice

... I still get very bad shaves. ...

What, exactly, is "bad" about your shaves? 

I get alot of irritation, and shaving is just not enjoyable, the best way I can describe it is there is a saying people use when shaving like a knife thought butter, when i shave it's like a knife thought a brick. It's not a nice feeling cutting the hair

As someone with a very coarse, white, old man beard, I find that showering before the shave helps soften the beard. For best results, I use a shampoo and conditioner on my beard as well as the hair on my head. You have to get all of the oils out of your beard before water can penetrate. Applying lather and hot, wet towels can accomplish the same thing if you take enough time.

As someone with a very coarse, white, old man beard, I find that showering before the shave helps soften the beard. For best results, I use a shampoo and conditioner on my beard as well as the hair on my head. You have to get all of the oils out of your beard before water can penetrate. Applying lather and hot, wet towels can accomplish the same thing if you take enough time.

That sounds similar to my pre-shave routine. (I'm going on 68 years old.)
I wash my face and neck thoroughly with Caprina "Fresh Goat’s Milk - Original Formula" bar soap in the shower. 
I rub the soap on, then scrub it off with a wash cloth. Rub some more soap on and then rub it off with my fingers with the shower spray right on my face, until my skin "squeaks" under my fingertips. I think of it as "degreasing".

My lather is fairly warm because I float the lather bowl with the brush in the sink full of hot water, like using a giant modern style scuttle.

I get alot of irritation, and shaving is just not enjoyable, ...

I get a lot of irritation if I use some soaps with a Lime scent. It's a mild burning sensation.
Not all of them though, because Col. Conk Lime is okay but it smells more like a candy sort of Lime.

 ... the best way I can describe it is there is a saying people use when shaving like a knife thought butter, when i shave it's like a knife thought a brick. It's not a nice feeling cutting the hair 

What razor(s) are you using?
If an adjustable, what setting?
What blade, and how many times do you typically use it?

I used to like somewhat aggressive razors, or higher settings on adjustables. 
For the past few months though, I'm more likely to use milder razors (British Aristocrat Junior, RazoRock SLOC, QShave at #3, '46 Aristocrat, Flare-Tip Rocket, Gillette Slim at #4), and I'm getting much better results. Just as smooth, fewer weepers, and less "feedback" from the alum block or aftershave splash.

Blades make a big difference too. I only use Astra Superior Platinum or Shaverboy Super Stainless blades, and both are fairly "smooth" rather than sharp. I toss them after 12 uses. I used to push the Astra SP blades to 25-35 uses, but now I spoil myself.
Feathers are sharper, but I can't use them for very long.
The best and worst (at the same time!) are the QShave "Titanium" blades that came with my QShave Futur clone. For the first shave they were simply amazing - super sharp AND super comfortable - possibly the best first-use blade I've ever tried. The 2nd shave with them - okay. Then by the 3rd use, I had to toss it and find a different blade to finish the shave with, it was that rough and draggy.

Have you tried a variety of blades yet? Get a blade sampler pack with at least 6-10 different brands.

Everyone has to find what work for them. What works for me might not work for you.

1. I shower before shaving to clean and hydrate my beard.
2. I like using premium luxury soaps that are easy to load, easy to lather, provide superb primary and residual slickness, provide a layer of protection between my skin and the sharp blade, and have ingredients that moisturize and condition my skin for many hours afterward. I also have to be careful of scents as things like lemon, lime, grapefruit, cinnamon, clove, peppermint and menthol irritate my skin. I can use soaps that use a complex blend containing these scents, but only in limited concentrations.
3. My skin is so sensitive (rosacea) that I build my lather in a bowl and paint it on my face. I get brush burn if I try to face lather. I use brushes that have a soft face feel. My face will not tolerate a new boar brush, a pure badger, or a scrubby synthetic. Even with premium silvertip badger brushes I go through and remove any hairs that have dark tips sticking up. Otherwise, they feel like a hypodermic needle sticking my skin.
4. Because my beard is so coarse, I have to use sharp blades. Some people with sensitive skin like using mild blades like Astra Superior Platinum, but that blade is not sharp enough for my beard. A 7 O'Clock SharpEdge Yellow is the least sharp blade I can use and then only in an aggressive razor like a Muhle R41.
5. One thing I do that may be unique is that I do a four pass shave using a different razor and blade for each pass. I use an open comb razor for the first WTG pass to knock down most of the growth. Then I go do progressively milder razors with progressively sharper blades for the XTG and ATG passes. Then I do a fourth clean-up pass using a very mild VDH/Weishi TTO razor with an extremely sharp blade like a BIC Chrome Platinum or Nacet to get the remaining stubble. I find that this progression will usually give me a near BBS shave with zero irritation despite my coarse beard and sensitive skin.
6. I apply a fifth lather and rub it into my skin to get the full moisturizing and conditioning effect of my soap. I allow it to remain on my skin while I am cleaning my shaving gear. I remove that lather using a microfiber cloth; as terry washcloths are too rough on my skin.
7. Potassium alum blocks and aftershave splashes containing alcohol or menthol irritate my skin. My typical aftershave is plain witch hazel. If my shave went as planned, I get zero feedback from the witch hazel. However, if I use an inferior soap, a blade that is rough, or my shaving technique is not right, I get irritation from the WH. Thus, it is a good indicator of the quality of my shave.
8. Yesterday, I shaved using Wholly Kaw Siero Entropy Man. It has been 25 hours since my shave. The post shave conditioning was still quite apparent for 16 hours after the shave, but even at 25 hours I can still feel some slight effects on my skin. Thus, Siero is one of ten soap formulas I rate as the A+ teir in my collection. The post shave feel will last at least 16 hours with each of these soaps. I have another 15 soap formulas that I consider A level soaps. With these soaps, the post shave feel lasts at least 8 hours, but will be gone before the 16 hour mark.

Thanks alot for all the suggestions, I have long hair so shaving after a shower dosnt work for me as by the time I dry my hair my face no longer feels moist but dry. I have 4 razors and all are quite aggrasive, raw shaving rs10, charcoal goods level 2, wolfman wr2 1.25 and wr1 0.74 OC, I normally use feather blades and just use them for 2 shaves then put a new blade.

Thanks alot for all the suggestions, I have long hair so shaving after a shower dosnt work for me as by the time I dry my hair my face no longer feels moist but dry. I have 4 razors and all are quite aggrasive, raw shaving rs10, charcoal goods level 2, wolfman wr2 1.25 and wr1 0.74 OC, I normally use feather blades and just use them for 2 shaves then put a new blade.

how many passes are you doing? for some of us, 1 pass is sufficient and keeps the irritation at bay.

have you tried using a cheap GEM razor? the GEM SE blades are thicker and don't flex as easily as DE blades. also, even though the henson razor is very mild (imho), it holds the blade incredibly rigid and prevents the blade from chattering.

just some thoughts there..

LORENZO44 I don't shower before my shave. I have started a test for the past 4 days so far. I have not had the trouble you have but was trying to improve my shave and feel I have. I rinse my face with warm water for awhile and rub in a circular motion this cleanser in while the wash cloth is under hot running water. I then lightly wring it out and apply to face holding it there for a minute or so and then remove. Rewet face and then lather. I have been surprised at the difference in my face feel after the shave. I attribute it to getting the oils off the face and whiskers so that the water csn hydrate them properly. If oils are there it will repel the water you are trying to hydrate the whiskers with. Give it a shot and let us know if it helps. It is equate version of CeraVe hydrating cleanser